My simple 6 rule guide to happiness

 Happiness is a feeling of well-being, joy and contentment.

  That is how the dictionary defines the word happiness. We all know that feeling, right? And yet, no one I've ever met can describe how it physically feels.

  Anger boils your blood up. Fear gets your heart soaring. Arousal sends waves of energy through you. But what does happiness do? The only good answer I have is that it makes you feel more free and even that does not seem like an accurate answer.

I believe that happiness is our normal natural state of being. It is how we were meant to feel but the modern lifestyle, rules and societal pressures often carry us away from it. We no longer embody who we were meant to be and so, in turn, do not feel how we were meant to feel. Some people accept that. Others try to chase what's gotten away. The hunt for happiness, however, usually never leads to it because people get stuck in the idea of seeking things or experiences that they think will make them happy and end up feeling hollow. It happens on some level to everybody at some point in life.

   A few years ago, I fell into a deep pit of depression and anxiety. Frustration, rage, over-thinking and fear started consuming my days. My behaviour became erratic, unpredictable and unreasonable to a certain extent. But there was one good thing going for me in my mind: I was aware of the fact that that was not me. So, from there, I slowly began the journey of getting my act together. I had always been against the use of external help for mental health issues unless they were too severe and so what I resorted to was just exploring my own perspectives, mind and body.

Here is what I found -

1. Happiness is about connection

   If we take a stroll down the lane of our happy memories, one thing that becomes obvious is that happy memories are always accompanied by a sense of connection. It could be to a person, a process, a thing or even to oneself but never is happiness devoid of connection.

Happiness 101: Live with more connection


  Everything is made more beautiful and meaningful if we feel connected to it. We could live in the ugliest house that there is and still find it perfect. Life without connection is like pizza without cheese. It changes everything. Failures don't feel like failures and obstacles don't feel like obstacles if we are in a relationship with the process.

  It can even change the overall mood of our days. The next time you ask someone how they are, try making sure that you actually care about the reply. Its surprising how much impact even a small thing like this can have on us.

2. Happiness is about self discovery

 
   Figuring out things is in our DNA and what thing could be better than our own selves. Every sensation, every thought, every emotion that we have ever experienced in our lives has been experienced inside our bodies. None of those things has ever been external. The body is the only thing that connects us to who we are. I have no idea why or how but there are reward systems in place. Every time we move in a way we have never moved in before, we get an emotional reward. Every time we think of something in a way we have never thought of before, we get an emotional reward because growth, again, is natural. Everyone feels happy when they are a child exploring the world & then something changes along the way. People stop exploring. People stop playing. People stop growing. They stop doing everything that is natural which is why their state of mind also stops being natural.

  Personally, incorporating the practice of constantly challenging myself has elevated my quality of life to the next level. It gives me such a boost that, nowadays, I get a little sad if some day I am not able to lock myself up in my room for a couple of hours and just move around in new unusual ways because my head goes like "I am not going to get that feeling today".


  I highly recommend everyone to check out Ido Portal's movement practices to get started. Go on and start playing again, people.

3. Happiness is about confidence

 
  I don't think life is the sum of the number of years that we live. I think it is the sum of the moments that we live consciously to the fullest...moments that we can feel even after they are gone...moments that have a sensory meaning to us.
  In my relatively short but solid experience of life, I have felt just two things that make me live moments that way

• A powerful feeling (positive or negative) that drags me into the moment
• The feeling of confidence which allows me to explore the moment as fully as I can.

  The first obviously does not relate to a normal state of being but the second one does and that is something we can all control by just being more aware of it.

  The link between living the moment and happiness has also been backed up by research. Turns out that the level of the happiness hormone in the brain is higher when a person is in the moment than it is when he/she is indulging in even the most happy thoughts.
 
  In short, confidence allows you to explore the moment without getting caught up in thought which in turn leads to a happier state of mind. 

4. Happiness is about hard work

   Our brains are wired to value what we have to work for more than what's given to us. It is basic human nature. Whether we admit it or not, on some level, we like working for things because if the journey is eliminated, the value of the destination also gets diminished.

  For all my life, I have been fanatic about Basketball and so would like to mention a crazy fact here. The Basketball World cup is supposed to be the biggest event in the sport and the NBA is just a league. Team USA, however, beats everyone by miles in the World cup. The competition is much stiffer in the NBA as the talent is more evenly distributed. Players can be seen smiling, hugging and laughing when they win the world cup but when they win an NBA title, even though its just a league, they get reduced to tears of joy...they go weak in the knees and fall down. Anyone can look at that and tell that that is a level of ecstasy only a few people in the world will ever experience.

   So if there is something you want to achieve, start building up to it for that has the potential to introduce you to ecstasy that will fuel your flames of happiness.

5. Happiness is about being independent of outcome

   Its natural for us to be inclined to certain outcomes. We all want things to go our way and that is okay. But getting too attached to an outcome can be very hard on our peace of mind. After all, the only thing we can control is us. So, it does not matter what outcomes we are handed along the way as long as we remain solidly us and do what we like to do with passion and fervour.

  It is always about the art and not what the art gets you.

6. Happiness is a habit

  Human beings are creatures of habit. We gravitate towards the things we get accustomed to on a subconscious level because familiarity makes our brain feel at home. This is the brain's way of simplifying life and it works great but what if someone falls into some detrimental behavioral or physiological habits? 

  Everyone knows what a depressed person looks like when he is depressed. Shallow breathing, slumped shoulders, a low voice and not an ounce of positivity in facial expressions. You see, the way we carry ourselves is intimately connected to the way we feel and so when we change that, we can literally change our biochemistry which in turn changes our experience of life.

  Identifying our disempowering physiological habits like shallow breathing, having tense or loose posture, speaking too loud or too slow, having a rude tone or a weak tone, etc. and trading them for empowering physiological habits is a powerful way to contentment and happiness. 

  

  But all of that said, having happiness as your end goal is a surefire way to guarantee its absence. Happiness comes as a by-product of living a life of gratitude, passion and meaning.

Thank you. Until next time!